Wow yesterday was interesting

So I went to my doctor yesterday to get my prescription refilled and talked about my weight. She asked me what is going on. I said I havent been good to me. i have slacked off and ate alot of all the wrong things. I started crying cause i am just so sad about how i look. i used to be sooo skinny and now after 4 kids it seems like i have just given up. I have been reading a lot of Geneen Roth books and while she has hit a lot of things on the head about why i compulsively over eat. I just don't know how to fix it. she says to let the feelings in and live int eh present. But shit if i let all my feeling in you might as well put in a frickin white coat and send me to a loony bin. I am pretty sure i know what happened each time i gained weight. And at what point i just gave up. well i am here to say I AM NOT GIVING UP OR IN ANYMORE! I will look how i want for myself and for my darling husband. I feel bad that i lost that pretty girl he married. Now I know everyone changes over the years but damn! I have a gym membership that i haven't used in a month cause i am lazy. My house is a mess cause i am lazy. ok maybe not lazy cause i wish it was done. But I have no motivation to get it done. Maybe I am depressed I don't know. My doctor asked me that too was i depressed? I don't know how do you know if you are depressed. I have no energy no motivation and i don't take care of myself. I may come across as a happy person on the outside but i am jsut sad on the inside of who i have become. I am fat I hate being fat but yet i dont do anything to change that. I am disgusted with myself. I just don't even know where to start. I wanna be who i was when my hubby married me. I wanna fit into clothes and not have to make sure i wear clothes that don't show my rolls. I dont wanna my belly to hang down over my privates or have to lift it up to clean under it! how gross is that! my body is just ugly. my doctor gave me great advice on what i should do. Now i just need to follow through. She didn't put me on a strict diet of what i can and cant eat but she did tell me to how many grams of carbs i should eat at each meal. I also need to get to the gym for at least 30 min 5 times a week. With my weird schedule I should be able to figure something out. I was going in teh morning with a dear friend of mine but I am so not a morning person especially when I work late. So i am going to have figure out how to get the gym in the afternoon.

I just started reading Why Weight? A guide to ending complusive eating by Geneen Roth its a workbook type book where you write down feeling and what not as to why you eat and hopefully how to control that. it will be interesting. as i fill out the pages I will try to post it on here to so i can elaborate more. I am so ready to get me back its unreal. I will someday be able to wear form fitting pretty clothes. I will be able to make love to my hubby with out feeling like i am squishing him or have to move my belly roll out of the way! It will happen!! It will start now!!!

OK enough about my craziness!

On a better note Nate's business is starting slow but its coming around! I have worked my ass off to get us out there on the web and advertising. In 6 months it will be a great booming business! we also have a website that my best friend Michelle set up. She did a great job! if ya wanna check it out go to www.nastechpcrepair.com

OK gotta get busy workin on me!!! talk to you later or tomorrow!

Finally relief

Ok so all week has been soo hot here. heat index of 120 for two days a few others at 115 and 118
thank god today was in the 70s. OK so i lied on the details. LOL
I forgot and i dont have time tonight. But i will fill in the story i swear. So i go to my doc to take care of a scraping problem my hubby is having with my hysterectomy. OH yeah that is the best thing ever!!!!!!!!! ok well off to bed, i have been working on advertising all week for my hubbys business tomorrow i actually put it all together to get us more business!!! ok gotta run i hear a little one needs me! ill be back tomorrow i hope LOL

Here is a quick one before bed

Lots to catch up on here i will fill in the details tomorrow. I have missed this blog! I have been writing somethings on spark people. We just finished the 16th round of the biggest loser club on spark people and i have been involved with that since round 8. I have decided to not return for round 17 because my weight loss journey has taken me in a different direction. (will fill more in on that later) I also don't have the time to commit to posting to he BLC everyday. and i am plain sick of tracking and reporting everything!!! OK half a rant off my chest LOL. i will be back tomorrow to rant some more and clue you in on what i have been up to. Later!

Monday? Already?

Where the hell did the weekend go!!! Saturday was a huge blur. Bowling, work, Bowling, date night! Sunday was catch up on sleep day. i didn't track over the weekend cause it was to hard to eat healthy and to remember what all i ate when i had time to eat. I have been so tired today its rediculus I am not sure why I am getting about 7 hours of sleep at night so not sure what the issue is. If any one has good ideas let me know. Oh and prego is out of the question as i no longer own those parts!
Any way here is what you all have been waiting for. My food log for today i did go over by 1 cal and i was gonna go work out but i have a massive headache so don't feel like putting pressure on my head. Anywho here ya go tomorrow is a new day.

Breakfast: 200 slimfast chocolatey vanilla blitz snack bar 1 Serving 100 yoplait lite yogurt 1 Serving 100

Lunch: 282 weight watchers shrimp marinara smart ones 1 Serving 190 wonder bread whole wheat 1 Piece 60 Shrimp, mixed species, cnd, drained 10 Each 32

Dinner: 731 95% lean ground beef 5 Ounces 240 Tortilla, flour, rtb, 6" 2 Each 187 Tortilla, corn 2 Each 120 Cheese, monterey jack, shredded 1/4 Cup 105 Lettuce, iceberg, fresh, shred 1 Cup 10 Corn, yellow, sweet, kernels, fresh 1/4 Cup 33 Pears, cnd, w/water, halves 1/2 Cup 35

Snacks: 296 Thomas begel thins 1 Serving 110 Cheese, wedge, creamy garlic & herb, light 1 Ounce 47 Chips, corn, original 16 Pieces 139

500

1,000

1,500

2,000

Daily calorie budget	1,508
Food calories consumed	1,509
Exercise calories burned	0
Net calories so far today	1,509

food log 3-4-11

Ok so even with the less than stellar choices at dinner I came in under my calorie target. I will warn you all now i wont have time tomorrow to track my food as i will be running around all day and evening!

Breakfast: 170 Cereal, hot, oatmeal, plain, inst, pkt 1 Each 100 Oranges, med, fresh 1 Each 70

Lunch: 349 weight watchers Broccoli and cheddar roasted potatoes 1 Serving 240 Rice, brown, med grain, ckd 1/2 Cup 109

Dinner: 601 Pizza, cheese, reg crust, 14", fast food 1 Piece 272 French Fries, Sml 1 Each 300 Ketchup 2 Tablespoons 29

Snacks: 239 Oranges, med, fresh 1 Each 70 Nuts, almonds, dry rstd, salted, whole 22 Each 169

Exercise: 196 Weight Lifting Light/moderate 20 Min 73 Stationary Bicycle Light 15 Min 123

Cleaning HATE IT!!

OK so any of you with small children know that cleaning is a never ending cycle!! I swear there toys multiply in the night! But thankfully i do have little ones that sort of wanna help. Key word there is sort of. My family and I follow Dave Ramsey's plan for getting out of debt and living a comfortable life debt free. Anywho, so Bubba (Nate Jr.) is to little for an allowance but the 3 year old gets loose change for helping pick up so if you "show her the money" she helps. Bubba loves vacuum cleaners. Today I am vacuuming the living room floor and bubba wanted to vacuum so i let him take the reigns of the big one. Well of coarse you let the 2 year old do something and the 3 year old wants her turn. So instead of waiting for a turn she goes and trys to "help" bubba. He turns into a wild man and trys to swat her away and is yelling at the top of his lungs to her. It was sooooooo funny. I wish i would have recorded it!!! Ok well got that thought out guess that means i need to get back to cleaning drat!!!

Today was good!!!

OK all so I will post here what i ate today. A dear friend introduced me to to a wonderful website that helps with tracking food and exercise that is really easy! If you are interested its called loseit.com. I had a good time bowling with my daughter. I had to see if i was able to get back to league bowling after my surgery. i bowled 2 games and i am not sore so I am good to go! I am off to bed i have a lot to do tomorrow to get the house caught up. have a great night See ya!!

Breakfast: 190 Yogurt, key lime pie, nonfat, w/low cal swtnr 1 Each 100 Cake, snack, multigrain, chocolatey drizzle, pch 1 Each 90

Lunch: 240 weight watchers fettucini alfredo smart ones 1 Serving 240

Dinner: 562 French Fries, Basket 1 Each 533 Ketchup 2 Tablespoons 29

Snacks: 659 hyvee lite popcorn 4 Servings 100 Oranges, med, fresh 1 Each 70 turkey bites 24 Pieces 320 Nuts, almonds, dry rstd, salted, whole 22 Each 169

Exercise: 274 Bowling 45 Min 164 Aerobics Low impact 15 Min 110